I’d rather be there… wherever that is.
Sometimes, I hate life and I hate what it’s done, all the pain and disappointment has left me blind to my own shine, and I’m a star, exploded with traces of me floating thru space and infinite time, and yet a black hole has made a permanent place in my soul.
I’m a good person… I always mean well. I try to be as honest as possible. It is not my intention to hurt anyone, but it’s funny how the closest people to you go out of their way to hurt you. I know I’m not perfect, and I don’t say anything to make anyone feel less than me, at least not on purpose because I don’t believe people are beneath me, but I don’t care who you are or what our relationship is, you don’t have the right to disrespect me, you don’t have the right to call me names, and you don’t have the right to talk about me in a dishonorable way to my child, regardless of your feelings. It’s about respect, and I refuse to let people with no respect insult me.
Jeanettics… I think that’s how she spells it, but she is forever dope.
I’m frustrated as usual over things I cannot control… Angry with American Media. Upset with the stupid ass people that allegedly represents the American population, and even more upset with the retarded ass people that lets them stay in office… you know the idiots who don’t vote, who by the way, are really called idiots. smh. My headache got worse… today is one of those days where I just want to give up on life and humanity, like seriously, fuck you all… but then you know, on this day however many years ago MLK Jr. was assassinated, I’m sure with help from the government, but something he said really moved me… He said you can’t fight darkness with darkness, only with light, and you can’t fight hate with hate, only with love….
It’s truly the truth, you know an eye for an eye leaves us all blind, but sometimes, like today, I don’t give a fuck.
I just read my recent posts, they ALL have the same theme… smh
If you’ve ever been in love, you know what I feel… daydreams… butterflies… intensified… sprinkle that with thoughts of never seeing your face nor feeling the warmth of your embrace, the pleasure of your lips caressing mine I can’t say I know how good that feels, nor will I smell the manly musk of your breath…. oh how our souls would unite when we bone over and over and over… and over…, but sadly, we only fuck in my dreams, and those dreams have become less and less frequent, the only screams and moans I cry aren’t rooted in pleasure, even in clitoral stimulation I yearn for you to be here with me… call it my obsession, the passion I want to feel when we touch, damn, you’re so far, it’s almost as if we exist in different places in time… like it’s 1950 where I am, and 1999 where you are… will the stars ever align? Will destiny put you in my path, and put me into your heart? Will God bring us together… is it a crime that I want to feel these feelings for someone else?
See, I’m fickle and it’s not because I’m not committed, I vow to love LOVE no matter where it is or what it looks like, but I don’t know, your brand of love doesn’t know how to love back… it travels a lonely road and never looks to see what it’s leaving behind, which is me in the distance. I remain in the dust and you live everyday like you just know when you’re done, you can turn around and come back for me and I’ll be there… but I won’t because I’m fickle. I can’t love a man who doesn’t love me for more than 24 hours…
I’m attempting to write daily…
is it worth sharing? Nope, lol, but I’ll share…
I used to love LOVE so much,
back in the days before we ever crossed paths,
before pain and I ever met,
before disappointment became my best friend,
I loved LOVE so much,
And then you came along, and fucked me over,
you ain’t shit no more,
you sure know how to fuck up a really good thing.
Love is… in a Jay Dee song :-)
